In today’s society, the ideal image of a mother—what I call the “unicorn mother”—feels almost impossible to live up to. This image, promoted by the media and sometimes reinforced in therapeutic settings, places an enormous pressure on mothers to be perfect. Television shows, films, and especially social media paint a picture of the flawless mother: always calm, loving, patient, and capable. But that image is often just a snapshot, far removed from the raw reality of everyday life. In therapy, particularly with children and adolescents, there is sometimes a focus on identifying sources of trauma or stress. Unintentionally, this can lead to mothers being pointed to as the root of all problems, without acknowledging the complexity of their situation or the many challenges they face daily. Self-help books and parenting guides add to this pressure by promoting techniques and strategies that promise to create the “perfect” parent. The result? Mothers who feel like failures when they cannot meet these unrealistic expectations.
Social media amplifies this even further, with polished portrayals of parenthood that make “worst mothers” believe they are constantly falling short. Historical and cultural expectations of what a “good” mother should be may evolve, but the pressure remains. Mothers compare their struggles to the curated highlights of others and end up feeling inadequate. And then there are the children, who in therapy are sometimes told that their struggles stem from their mother’s behavior. What once began as an attempt to understand and heal can turn into a confirmation of the “worst mother” label. It is as if society magnifies the imperfections of mothers, instead of recognizing that parenting is an ongoing learning process—one filled with mistakes and failures that are just as human as the successes and triumphs. It is important to realize that every parent makes mistakes, and that it is impossible to live up to the high standards of the “unicorn mother.” Acknowledging this reality can be a step toward greater self-acceptance and a healthier view of motherhood.
The Battle with the Mother Instinct
The battle with your maternal instinct feels like an inner struggle between a protective lioness and a frightened, wandering cat. On one side, there is the instinct to protect your child, to nurture them, to make sure they lack nothing. This instinct is ancient, rooted deep within your being. It is the voice that tells you to do everything you can to restore contact, to never give up, to keep fighting. But on the other side is reality, reminding you that sometimes you must let go in order to protect both yourself and your child. It is a conflict between the urge to persist and the necessity of accepting that some things are beyond your control.
The mother instinct does not want to give up, does not want to let go, always wants to find a solution. But sometimes, you simply have to accept the pain. Sometimes, you have to acknowledge that you cannot always be the superhero—that even the “worst mother” is just a human being, with her own limits and vulnerabilities. This battle may be one of the hardest of all. It takes immense strength to resist your own instincts, to honor your boundaries, and to accept that you cannot fix everything. It takes courage to recognize that letting go can sometimes create space—for you and for your child—to heal. It is a struggle that never fully disappears, but one that ultimately makes you stronger, both as a person and as a mother.
What Do I Give a F*ck About Now?
After learning to let go of certain things and to focus my energy on what truly matters, I began to realize what I actually give a fck about. My friends are my pillars—they have stood by me in my darkest moments and helped me find light again. They encouraged me, challenged me to keep going, and reminded me that I have value. Friendship is a source of strength, and I have learned to cherish and nurture these relationships. My family, who may not always have stood beside me but are here now, are invaluable. They have shared my sorrow and celebrated my joy. They have advised me, comforted me, and shown me that I am not alone. Family bonds are strong and enduring, and I give a fck about them because they remind me of who I am and where I come from.
My Professor Son, who has always been there for me, deserves all my love and attention. He has shown me what unconditional love looks like. His presence in my life is a constant light, a reminder that I am not only a mother who has lost something, but also a mother who still has a deep and loving connection. He deserves my time, my support, and my full attention, and I am determined to always be there for him. And perhaps most importantly: I give a f*ck about myself. It is easy to lose yourself in the chaos of life, especially as a “worst mother.” But I have learned that self-love and self-care are essential. I matter. My well-being, my dreams, my peace, and my happiness matter.
By taking care of myself, I can better care for the people I love. I give myself space to grow, to learn, and to heal. I am more than the mistakes I have made; I am a human being who deserves love, respect, and happiness. By shifting my focus to these important relationships, I choose to care about what truly matters. This does not mean I ignore the pain and grief that come from my broken relationship with my Riddle Daughter. But it does mean that I allow myself space to heal and grow by investing my energy in those who support and love me. It is about finding balance and giving yourself the chance to rediscover what brings you happiness. It is about embracing those who value you and letting go of the burden of perfection. By focusing on what truly matters, you give yourself the opportunity to heal and begin again. ❤️
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